Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
