i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
