Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You were trust falling into bushes
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
