Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
