All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
