No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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