Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
