Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize