I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
