Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
