Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
