i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
