Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize