RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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