I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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