Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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