they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...