so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.