Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus