i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level