I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
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Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
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So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.