can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that