what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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