1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
