my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
