Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
