You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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