I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize