New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
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