Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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