I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
be right there i have to get my cape
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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