barbara walters just said penis...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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