our cab driver is having phone sex.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
