Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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