i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
