At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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