Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
