What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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