matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
false alarm, still single
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