I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My dick has a subreddit
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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