He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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