Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
