let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
