we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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