At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Your cock deserves a montage
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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