i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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