I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
