it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The adults are the big ones right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
