she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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