Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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