watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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