I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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