Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
