i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Success! We fucked roommates!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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