WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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