Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
