She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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