So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
