sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't trust your balls anymore.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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