Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
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my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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