You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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