Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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