yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
