i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
