..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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