i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
