saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
