I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
