i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
